Motherhood

Joseph F. Smith once said “I have learned to place a high estimate upon the love of mother. I have often said, and will repeat it, that the love of a true mother comes nearer being like the love of God than any other kind of love.”

Sheri Dew once told a story. “One summer four teenage nieces and I shared a tense Sunday evening when we set out walking from a downtown hotel in a large US city where we were visiting to a nearby chapel where I had been invited to speak at a fireside. I had walked that exact route many times before, but that evening as we left our hotel we suddenly found ourselves engulfed by an enormous crowd of rowdy, drunken parade-goers who were streaming out of the city toward the suburbs. Though police were everywhere, it was obviously no place for four teenage girls-or their aunt. But with the streets closed to traffic, and therefore no cabs available, we had no choice but to keep walking. Feeling no small amount of anxiety, I turned toward the girls, gathered them around me, and shouted over the crowd. “Stay right with me, Don’t take your eyes off me.” With that, I began to maneuver my way through the crush of humanity, constantly looking behind me to make sure the girls were right there. The only thing on my mind was my niece’s safety. There were moments when I truly feared we would not make it to the church in one piece. Drunken men with boa constrictors draped around their necks and adolescents brandishing weapons sometimes blocked our way. It was intimidating, to say the least.
Though our walk took twice as long as it should have, we finally made it to the chapel. But for 90 unnerving minutes, I better understood how mothers feel who forgo their own safety to protect their children. My siblings had entrusted me with their daughters, whom I dearly love, and I would have done just about anything to protect them and to lead them safely to our destination.
In a similar fashion, our Father has entrusted us, His daughters, with His children, and He has asked us not only to love them but to help lead them safely through the crush of mortal humanity and past the dangers of this world back home.
Satan has declared war on motherhood and on the family. He does everything he can to dishonor and devalue both womanhood and motherhood. He well knows that those who rock the cradle are perhaps in the best possible position to rock his diabolical earthly empire. He knows that none of us could progress without receiving bodies and experiencing our second estate. He understands that without mothers who are willing to bear children, our Father’s plan would be completely frustrated. He knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the rising generation, the kingdom of God will fail.
When we understand the magnitude of Mothers, it becomes clear why prophets have been so protective of woman’s most sacred and divinely appointed role. While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity and to, in effect, limit it to that definition, in the Lord’s language the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words or titles they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” – and they did so before she ever bore a child. “And Adam called his wife’s name Eve because she was the mother of all living; for thus have I, the Lord God, called the first of all women, which are man”
Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly and definitely that. It is the essence of who we are as women. Motherhood defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature and the unique traits, talents and tendencies our Father gave us.
Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them in mortality to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. They are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls, and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”
Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with the privilege of priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave woman an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. President Boyd K. Packer taught, “The obligations of motherhood are never-ending. The addition of such duties as those which attend ordination to the priesthood would constitute an intrusion into, an interruption to, perhaps the avoidance of, that crucial contribution which only a mother can provide. The limitation of priesthood responsibilities to men is a tribute to the incomparable place of women in the plan of salvation. Men and women have complementary, no competing responsibilities. There is difference but no inequity. In the woman’s part, she is not equal to man; she is superior! She can do that which he can never do; not in all eternity can he do it”
As daughters of our HF, and as daughters of Eve, we are all mothers and we have always been mothers. And we each have the responsibility and the privilege to love and to help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like- meaning what we wear, watch ,and read; how we fill our time and our minds; how we face temptation and uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why modesty and femininity are hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men, on the other hand, learn to value women of God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues? If we don’t show them what kind of women will help them find the greatest joy and fulfillment in their lives, who will? One of the single most significant responsibilities for a latter-day woman of God- regardless of her personal circumstances- is to help love and lead the younger generation. If we don’t mentor them, no one will.
Pres. Thomas S. Monson recalled a letter that a young mother wrote to him: “Sometimes I wonder if I make a difference in my children’s lives. Especially as a single mother working two jobs to make ends meet, I sometimes come home to confusion, but I never give up hope..”
“My children and I were watching a television broadcast of general conference, and you were speaking about prayer. My son made the statement, ‘Mother, you’ve already taught us that.’ I said, ‘What do you mean?’ And he replied, ‘Well, you’ve taught us to pray and showed us how, but the other night I came to your room to ask something and found you on your knees praying to Heavenly Father. If He’s important to you, He’ll be important to me.’ ” The letter concluded, “I guess you never know what kind of influence you’ll be until a child observes you doing yourself what you have tried to teach him to do.” What a magnificent lesson a child learned from his mother.
Mothers are not only great examples, but they are comforters. After the horrifying event of Sept. 11, 2001, US First Lady Laura Bush was asked to recount what she did during those initial minutes after she heard about the terrorist attack. “I called my children immediately to reassure them” she said, adding “and then I called my own mother, just for the comfort of her voice.”
Last week, my older sister asked Derek and I to stay with her 4 children for 9 days while her and her husband went on vacation. We agreed without hesitation and without any idea what we were agreeing to. Toward the end of the week there was a time where I felt very overwhelmed and frustrated when dealing with my 3 year old niece. Whatever I was doing, it wasn’t working for her. My first reaction was to call my Mom and ask her advice. After talking with her for several minutes, I felt reassured and comforted in what I was doing, enough so that I felt I could move forward and last a few more days with the kids.


A baby asked God, “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”
“Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”
The child further inquired, “But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.”
God said, “Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.”
Again the child asked, “And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don’t know the language?”
God said, “Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”
“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”
God said, “Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”
“Who will protect me?”
God said, “Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it’s life.”
“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”
God said, “Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.”
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, “God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”
“You will simply call her, ‘Mom.’”

As you know, I am a fairly new Mom. My only child is less than a year old. Becoming a mother and feeling the love that a mother has for her child has been eye opening to me. Throughout all of my single years, I have always maintained the “Favorite Aunt” title amongst my nieces and nephews. That is a title that I cherish and hold dear to my heart. I love all of my nieces and nephews, but becoming a mother has shown me that I never fully understood the love of a mother. I love my daughter with all my heart and I would absolutely do anything for her. I hurt when she hurts, I cry when she cries, I laugh when she laughs, I smile when she smiles. I love to watch her learn and grow. I am a proud parent to say the least. As I have felt this love for my daughter, I have begun to realize the love my mother has for me. I often find myself pondering how much my mother must love me, and I never completely understood that. I also often contemplate the love our Heavenly mother has for us. The feelings of love, excitement, pain, sorrow, and happiness she must feel watching us go through this earthly life. The concern she must have felt letting each one of us leave her side and her protection to come to Earth and receive a body, and to face Satan and temptation without her. I think she must pray that each Mother here on earth will love their children, protect them and care for them as much as she would.

Joseph F. Smith once said, “A wife may love her husband, but it is different to that of the love of mother to her child. The true mother, the mother who has the fear of God and the love of truth in her soul, would never hide from danger or evil and leave her child exposed to it. But as natural as it is for the sparks to fly upward, as natural as it is to breathe the breath of life, if there were danger coming to her child, she would step between the child and that danger; she would defend her child to the uttermost. Her life would be nothing in the balance, in comparison with the life of her child. That is the love of true motherhood for children.”

Since Kilee was born, I have often said that, a perfect world would be that each child is loved as much as Derek and I love her.

David O McKay once said-
“Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world. True, there comes a time when Father takes his place as exemplar and hero of the growing boy; and in the latter’s budding ambition to develop manly traits, he outwardly seems to turn from the more gentle and tender virtues engendered by his mother. Yet that ever-directing and restraining influence implanted during the first years of his childhood linger with him and permeate his thoughts and memory as distinctively as perfume clings to each particular flower.”

President Benson has offered 10 specific suggestions for Mothers as they guide their precious children.
1. Take time to always be at the crossroads in the lives of your children, whether they be six or sixteen.
2. Take time to be a real friend to your children
3. Take time to read to your children. Remember what the poet wrote:
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels & Coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be-
I had a mother who read to me
4. Take time to pray with your children
5. Take time to have meaningful weekly home evening.
6. Take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible
7. Take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family.
8. Take time to do things together as a family.
9. Take time to teach your children.
10. Take time to truly love your children. A Mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love.

As I read those 10 suggestions, I noticed that every single one of them started with the words “Take Time” How important it is that we give of our time to spend it with our children.

I would just like to leave you with one final poem.
The holiest words my tongue can frame,
The noblest thoughts my soul can claim,
Unworthy are to praise the name
More precious than all other.
An infant, when her love first came,
A man, I find it still the same
Reverently I breathe her name,
The blessed name of mother.

Talk given by Tawna White on Mothers Day, 2009

Linda's story of Domestic Violence

My name is Linda and I started having a bad life at 18. I met what I thought was a wonderful man. He was one of my bosses from work. He was so kind to me at fist. We would spend lovely times together just having fun. I seemed important to him; at least I thought I was.

After we were dating for about 2.5 months I found out I was pregnant and I wanted no more children. I already had a son and I was too young for him but another would have been havoc. So I told Joe that I wanted to terminate the pregnancy and that is when it all started.

He kept me home and fired me from my job. For the 1st time he hit me right across the face because I said I was leaving him. He dragged me into the dept. store and said we are going shopping so stop crying like a baby. He acted like it was nothing and I knew it was wrong but I did as I was told. I was 18 and he was 31. I thought an older man would be better for me but I was wrong!

The hitting became beatings almost every day. Even though I was pregnant, he did not care. He said, "If you were a good girl I wouldn't have to discipline you so much." I hated hearing that. Be a good girl- that was screwed up ya' know?

For the full story, click here

Current Efforts and Some Encouragement

This is an update on our ongoing efforts to provide the visitors to this site with pertinent and helpful information so as to support and reinforce the efforts of many of you to stop being a victim and instead, evolve into survivors of Domestic Violence.

Since beginning this site, we have literally reviewed hundreds of web sites on the topic of Domestic Violence. We have done this for two reasons: 1. to bring you the most current information, ideas, and experiences of others that might be in your situation, so that you can find this site to be an on-going source of inspiration as you go through the healing process, and 2. to "prime the pump" so to speak, in an effort to encourage you to communicate with one another and begin an on-going dialog of your experiences and feelings, in an effort to help one another heal.

As we look at, and review the available websites, we find that these take the approach of providing data and statistics, or they give a basic information, such as defining DV or telling us how to recognize it, or what steps to take when we encounter it. There are lots of sites that are "hot lines" that give us many links for help. There are lots of sites that are oriented to their local area and which offer help, shelter, etc., in that local area. These are all well intentioned, good, important, and helpful sites. And in addition, there's lots of horror stories to read. But after awhile one gets tired of reading the same things over and over again.

We will continue to fulfill our stated goal of trying to identify and bring you the very best of these sites so that you can be guided to this type of help without having to spend days and weeks sorting through the thousands of sites available.

This site however, is unique, in that it is the only one we have seen that is trying to be a place where all of you can come with the sole purpose of communicating with one another, and thereby providing each other with the support, encouragement, understanding, ideas, etc., that can only come from those that, "have been there", or are "currently there".

There is real power in victims and survivors communicating with one another. There is healing that can and will take place in no other way. JTS cannot do this for you. I haven't been where you are, or have been. You must be willing to share with one another. Tell us your stories, make comments to others, ask questions and read the answers.

We hope you will forgive the periods of time that goes by between posts. We are doing our best to find and give you links to worthwhile sites and information. Our hope is that you will catch the vision of this site and begin to talk to one another on a regular and frequent basis with your comments to each individual post, or by using the open forum located at the top of the right hand column and just communicate in general, ask questions and react to whatever is going on in your lives. Then read what others have to say and consider the advise they may have for you.

Again, we hope this site will be of value to you in your quest to either help yourself, help others, or both. Also, any suggestions you have for us are always welcome.

JTS

Perpetrators Comments to a Victim Impact Panel Experience

I was very impressed with all who spoke tonight. I felt inspired to choose to control my anger and react in a better way for everyone in my life. - Gregg

This class was a wonderful and great experience. I learned a lot from others stories. Especially that I have children... I'll put my deep effort to avoid any kind of incident in the future. - Maohmmd

I really got more out of this experience than I expected. I would like to thank you for the chance to hear from others what quick choices and anger unabated has changed their lives. - Brian

This experience was realy painful, emotional. It realy hurt me cuz I went through bad times also & I feel bad for the victims here. It was a realy good experience. It made me think twice about what I do. I'm glad I got sent here from the Judge. It realy made me open my eyes alot & about what I & my spouse went through. People need to hear what other people went through & they need to know what could happen. - Sonya

It really opened my eye's. I will not lose control and will remove myself before it would happen. - Kenneth

This was a very good experience. It is surprising to see how common of a thing that this is. Domestic Violence is a very horrible thing. - Randy

It makes you aware of how serious Domestic Violence can get! So you might stop and think of what your actions can lead to! - Danielle

Domestic Violence - All Because of Drinking Alcohol and Being Stupid

Jim the Coroner explains:

"He’s drinking, continually drinking; the baby’s in the next room crying. He starts yelling at the mother, ‘you’ve got to do something with that kid, to shut the kid up.’ Remember, he’s getting stupid and he’s short fused because he’s been drinking so much. He drinks more, the kid’s crying. He finally tells the ‘ol lady, ‘I’m going in and get that kid to quit crying.’ The baby quits crying. The baby is either beaten or shaken to death.”

More: There is more to this case, and many other stories that can be found on the DVD entitled, “A Course Correction for Life”.

Domestic Violence: Are You Being Abused?

Women with a history of family violence, sexual assault or incest, or physical abuse from a male partner are at increased risk of being in an abusive relationship. Disagreements and arguments, even heated ones, are part of a normal relationship. Physical violence or other abusive behavior is not. Everyone has a right to get angry. But no one has the right to express anger violently, to hurt you.

Does your partner ever frighten you with threats of violence or by throwing things when he is angry? Say it is your fault if he hits you? Promise it will not happen again, but it does? Put you down in public or keep you from contacting family or friends? Force you to have sex when you do not want to?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may be involved in an abusive relationship. If so, you are not alone and you have choices. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

To read the entire article, click here.

Domestic Violence and its Effect on Children

How does domestic violence affect children?

Children are traumatized by witnessing violence in their family. The children in these homes are at high risk of being battered themselves by either the batterer or the victim. In addition, the long-term effects of witnessing such violence can create a cycle of violence that spans generations. We know that many men who are abusive witnessed their mothers being abused and many were victims of physical abuse themselves. We also know that women who come from a family in which they witnessed their mother being battered are more susceptible to developing what is called "battered women's syndrome." Such women may come to believe there is nothing they can do to get out of an abusive relationship. Both men and women who come from abusive homes may come to view the violence they have witnessed as normal, and carry it into their own relationships as adults.

To read the entire article, click here.